The DVD Dump

BLACK COBRA (1987)

Starring Fred Williamson (Black Caesar)

Not all foreign films are gorgeous works of art that are too sophisticated for American audiences. Case in point, Black Cobra is an Italian action film that is just as cliché as an American action movie could be. It even stars famous blaxploitation star, Fred “The Hammer” Williamson. And with some bad English dubbing, you got yourself one heck of a B-movie.

The plot is so simple even a kindergartener could write it (no offense kindergarteners). Fred Williamson plays Detective Malone, standard maverick cop who doesn’t play by the rules. This is demonstrated in the opening scene of a hostage situation (at a swimming pool for some reason) where Malone blows away three bad guys with a shotgun. When Elys, a female photographer, witnesses a murder, she becomes a target of a motorcycle gang and it’s up to Malone to protect her. Naturally, Malone gets plenty of chances to shoot up the bad guys as in one instance where they try to kill Elys at the hospital. After blowing away a bad guy in front of her, Malone remarks to a crying Elys…

“Lady, please, give me a break with all that noise.”

Yeah, Malone doesn’t have time for your bawling, ladies. He’s got to shoot up some punks and shoot ‘em up he shall. This, of course, doesn’t sit well with Chief Max Walker, who remarks after the hospital shootout…

“You know, nobody likes you Malone.”

Malone doesn’t care because he’s the freaking Hammer! But, in an effort to make his character more appealing, he owns a cat named Pervis. I can understand him being lonely, but watch your mouth drop as Malone attempts to persuade his cat to eat by EATING CAT FOOD! Getting back to the real plot, Chief Max Walker warms up to Malone once his daughter is kidnapped. Even after Max tells Malone that it would be stupid to go in there guns blazing, Malone simply states…

“I’m not doing it for you. I’m just doing it. I would do it even if it were Santa Claus’ daughter.”

What exactly is Malone’s beef with Santa Clause? Anyway, what proceeds is a big gunfight at a construction yard with both Malone and Max killing bad guys (though Malone’s body count was way higher). The fight eventually boils down to the cliché moment where the bad guy holds a knife to Max’s daughter’s throat, threatening to blow her away if the cops try anything funny. Malone calls his bluff, reciting the monologue from Dirty Harry, but removing the ‘make my day’ line in order to make it seem original. Malone actually doesn’t have any bullets left in the gun and just punches the guy out. Awesome. And what better way to end the shootout than with Malone throwing a knife into the back of one of the bad guys trying to escape.

The climax involves a weird car chase between Malone and the leader of the motorcycle gang through a warehouse. At one point the cars burst out of the warehouse and then burst right on into ANOTHER WAREHOUSE! Talk about low budgets. The chase ends with one of the funniest flying through windshield bits ever cut together. If you’re a video editor, you’re going to either love or hate this movie for it’s awkward cutting between shots. Also, while Malone does get Elys to stay at his place, he never once taps that. They just sort of take it slow and end up as really good friends in the end.

The movie consists mostly of brooding music and Fred Williamson walking around interiors looking for a chance to shoot some more bad guys. When he actually is shooting the bad guys, it’s pretty fun to watch. Especially in one instance where he kills four bad guys at once all nearly lined up in a row. As for the music, most of it feels like this weird cross-breed of classic video game music and The Terminator soundtrack. When it first started playing during the opening credits, I was getting into it, but why would you use b-roll footage of street performers playing musical instruments on the street while your own theme is playing? It doesn’t match up and reminds me of how much better a full orchestrated soundtrack really is compared to electronic music.

The only real big problem I had with the movie was how it abuses the use of Fred Williamson. While Fred does get his moments to shine as Detective Malone, most of the time he’s making rookie mistakes or doing bizarre non-action activities or giving odd looks to the camera. Probably one of his worst shots is the final one which becomes the end credit screen. This is Fred “The Hammer” Williamson were talking about! He should be kicking ass and getting ass, not eating cat food in order to get his cat to eat.

DVD Dump Counter:

-15 bad guys killed by Detective Malone

-3 bad guys killed by Chief Max Walker

-2 amateur hostage situations

-3 instances of cigar chomping

-3 bass-cranked music tracks of electronic music

-6 ‘bad to the bone’ motorcycle dudes

-3 damsels in distress

-1 instance of car-to-windsurfer collision

-2 innocent people killed by shotgun

-1 innocent woman bleeding from the neck for some unexplained reason

-1 innocent man drug behind a motorcycle

-1 bizarre car chase through a warehouse

-1 stolen monologue from Dirty Harry

-2 cocky into-the-camera looks by Detective Malone

RATING: B-Movie

If you’re not expecting Rambo, Black Cobra can be a fun B-movie. The plot isn’t too contrived, the acting is okay, and the fight scenes are pretty decent. There are a few ‘what the heck just happened’ moments in the movie, but not enough to be a horrible action movie. In other words, it’s an average maverick cop film, but the addition of Fred Williamson slightly elevates it above the rest.

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