The DVD Dump

DEATH RACE 2000 (1978)

Starring David Carradine (Kill Bill) and Sylvester Stalone (Rocky)

Ever wanted to see a movie that combined the cartoon appeal of Wacky Racers with all the death and destruction of Speed Racer? Do you wish that somebody in Hollywood would recognize the cinematic potential of the Grand Theft Auto video games? Did you ever want to see David Carradine in tight leather with a cape? If so, I have the perfect movie for you.

Death Race 2000 is about five Wacky Racer rejects competing in a cross-country race. There is Frankenstein (Carradine) driving some sort of reptilian car, Machine Gun Joe Viterbo (Stallone) driving a car with mounted machine guns and a giant knife, Calamity Jane driving a car with steer horns on the hood, Matilda the Hunn driving her Nazi-mobile, and Nero the Hero playing up the whole Roman shtick. All of the drivers have navigators. The male drivers have hot looking women as navigators and the female drivers have…male navigators. The rules of the race are simple: race across America and gain points by hitting civilians. The points they gain depend on the age and sex of the individual. It breaks down like this:

Men: 20 points

Women: 30 points

Teenagers: 40 points

Toddlers under 12 years old: 70 points

Over 70 years old: 100 points

What exactly is the reasoning behind this points system? To shock and offend everyone. So how many points do you get for winning and does it matter what place you come in if you have more points? The answer: who cares? If that’s really all you care about while watching this movie, I pity you. After all, when you have dialogue like…

“If the family scatters, go for the baby.”

…you know they’re not shooting for the title of ‘critically acclaimed’. However, the movie is more than just cars killing people (although that would’ve been enough to keep me entertained). There is a religious resistance group seeking to change the current state of America by sabotaging the race. The twist is that one of their members happens to be Annie, Frankenstein’s navigator. Luck is on her side however as Frankenstein has a similar plan to change America by killing Mr. President (that’s the actual name of the President of the United States). How does he plan on killing him? By shaking his hand…with a HAND-grenade! Oh snap! Yes, he actually has a hand grenade mounted onto his cybernetic hand.

Camera wise, the footage isn’t half-bad. It’s cut together in a way that the collisions look real enough. And I was surprised at how much faith the director had in holding most of the shots on these ridiculous looking cars. The death scenes are pretty bloody here and there, but treated in a humorous manner. Why is it so funny that racecar drivers are murdering civilians with their vehicles? Because it’s a movie! And in case anybody was wondering, no, they never actually run over infants or the elderly (though a hospital lines the elderly up in the road for ‘euthanasia day’ which Frankenstein ignores).

The only real interesting characters in the movie are Frankenstein and Annie and it’s a good thing too since we see them the most in the movie. What’s so interesting about Frankenstein is that while the movie claims he has had several body parts replaced, he is the best looking character in the whole movie. It’s like the director decided to drop the visual angle of that gimmick considering the first time we see Frankenstein his face is horribly scarred. But when the mask comes off, the scars magically disappear. The other characters are all cartoons. The most annoying character is the announcer pretending to be Howard Cosell, but dresses like a dance show host. Machine Gun Joe is nothing more than Frankenstein’s rival constantly screaming…

“Frankenstein!? Oooo, I hate him. I hate him!”

The whole movie is a cartoon for that matter. They even use cartoon sound effects during the race when people get killed (which oddly enough sets the right tone for the movie). The actual politics of this futuristic America are quite confusing. Apparently killing is sanctioned through the raced, but killing the racers in the race if you are not a racer is illegal (I guess). Also, I guess if you kill the president, you become the president (however that works). Even more confusing, the government tries to cover up the resistance group by claiming it was the French. I should also mention that the interior locations are very bizarre. There are certain rooms that I guess are supposed to be hotel rooms, but they look like gymnasiums with furniture in them.

But are all those details really important? Heck, no! It’s all about cars, hot women, violence, and looking ridiculous while you race. And on those merits, it succeeds with its camp value and cheesiness. I’m not expecting witty dialogue or a fantastic plot from a title like Death Race 2000. It’s the same reasoning behind Snakes on a Plane; you get what you pay for.

DVD Dump Counter:

-1 man murdered via giant knife to the groin.

-1 man murdered via steer horns.

-21 people murdered via car collision.

-1 helicopter crashing into a mountain on accident.

-1 annoying announcer imitating Howard Cosell

-2 instances of cars exploding via land mines.

-3 car explosions.

-1 car crashing off a cliff.

-3 scenes of female nudity (one involving more than one woman).

-2 sex scenes.

-1 sucker-punching fight scene.

-2 fake looking hotel rooms.

-1 act of violin destruction.

RATING: B-Movie

Offensive? Yes. Violent? Indeed. Ridiculous? You better believe it. Entertaining? Without a doubt. Death Race 2000 is one of the greatest cult B-movies of all-time.

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