Jan 13 2009
My Nominations for the Razzies
While many people will be talking and bickering about the Academy Awards and how The Dark Knight should win everything, I’ll be keeping my eye on this year’s Razzies. If you’re not familiar with the Razzies, they are the awards given to the worst movies of the year. Here are my picks for the nominations.
WORST PICTURE
Meet the Spartans: Gay jokes about 300? How could it fail? With writers like Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer at the helm, who brought us such bad comedies as Epic Movie, it’s guaranteed to fail!
Disaster Movie: What a surprise! It’s ANOTHER movie by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. This time they spoof the big movies of summer just before summer is over. If there were an award for quick turn-around to cash in on in-the-moment gags, these guys would in it. But that award doesn’t exist, so I’ll go with worst picture of the year.
The Love Guru: It’s official! People are sick of Mike Meyers! So much, in fact, that this movie made so little money that it went straight to the discount theaters in just under six weeks. With bad penis jokes and tired gags, this is a very strong contender.
Witless Protection: Larry the Cable Guy in another lead role. That is all I have to say about this movie.
The Hottie and the Nottie: Paris Hilton is not an actress and definitely not a LEAD actress.
WORST ACTOR
Eddie Murphy for Meet Dave: He won last year for his performance in Norbit. Could lightning strike twice?
Nicholas Cage for Bangkok Dangerous: Does a mullet count if you’re half-bald?
Vin Diesel for Babylon AD: Why couldn’t he have just stuck with the XXX movie franchise?
WORST ACTRESS
Jessica Alba for The Eye: If you watch the movie with the Spanish language dub, she almost looks like a competent actress.
Sarah Jessica Parker for Sex in the City: They just put peanut butter on her lips to make it look like she’s talking. Yes, I’m saying she’s a horse.
Paris Hilton for The Hottie and the Nottie: Speaking of horses…
WORST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Heath Ledger for The Dark Knight: Nah, I’m kidding! I just wanted to get your attention.
50 Cent for Righteous Kill: This guy can barely speak an audible word let alone English words.
Justin Timberlake for The Love Guru: He was doing fine with Black Snake Moan. Why’d he throw his acting career away with this junk?
Carmen Electra for Disaster Movie: Get off the screen…seriously.
WORST REMAKE OR RIP-OFF
The Day the Earth Stood Still: I now know that Hollywood has no scruples about remaking classic films no matter how cherished they are. I also now know that they will never EVER be as good as the original.
The Eye: Another Japanese horror film turned sub-standard American horror.
The Punisher, War Zone: The first Punisher movie was horrible, so you’d think rebooting the series would bring some dignity to the character. You’d think that, wouldn’t you?
WORST PREQUEL OR SEQUEL
Star Wars, The Clone Wars: A cartoon prequel within a prequel. What’s next, Lucas? Alternate realities?
Saw V: Didn’t the bad guy die two movies ago?
Step Up 2, The Streets: This movie is about dancing. ‘Nuff said.
WORST DIRECTOR
Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer for Meet the Spartans
Marco Schnabel for The Love Guru
Tom Putnam for The Hottie and the Nottie
WORST SCREENPLAY
Mike Meyers for The Love Guru
Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer for Meet the Spartans
Heidi Ferrer for The Hottie and the Nottie
The nominations will be announced on January 21st. You can view past winners at Razzies.com
