Jan 14 2009
Project Kill (Review)
PROJECT KILL (1976)
Starring Leslie Nielson (The Naked Gun)
The idea of Leslie Nielson in an action movie sounds like it would hold promise. As a matter of fact, the summary on the back of the cover makes it sound awesome.
“Leslie Neilson stars as a former secret agent who gets caught up in a drug smuggling operation. On the run and with no way out, Neilson is pursued by fellow agent, Gary Lockwood. Along the way Neilson battles Vic Diaz in a secondary storyline, while Lockwood continues to closes in. The drama reaches a fever pitch when by the end, Neilson and Lockwood collide in an epic climax filled with exciting martial arts sequences.”
Sounds fun, doesn’t it? But if you closely analyze that summary, you can find plenty of ways how this movie could falls apart.
The movie begins with a reenactment of a military scenario and Leslie Neilson giving a speech in a jumpsuit with some of his chest exposed. You’d think Neilson would look better in the 70’s than he does now, but he still looks REALLY old and tired. And all the footage of Neilson showing off his chest doesn’t help my image of him. I still think of him as an old funny man and not an action hero. So Neilson and Lockwood are involved in a secret project where they teach soldiers to be perfect killing machines with drugs or something. They also make them recite their mission in life.
Lockwood: What is your mission!
Soldiers: KILL!
But then Neilson decides he’s out of the project, so he knocks out everybody in his way at the base and escapes to the Philippines. You know, I’ve been noticing a trend with these old low-budget movies: the Philippines were that movie generation’s Canada (as in cheap to film on location). Obligatory shots of the Philippines are shown. Neilson meets up with an old buddy in wheelchair, Mr. Wagner, and stays with him for the time being. Lockwood is close on his tale still taking the secret drug and giving us a chance to see him with his shirt off (doesn’t want to be upstaged by Neilson). Meanwhile, Neilson stumbles around the Philippines having strokes. It’s suppose to be a side-effect of not taking the secret drugs, but at his age, it just looks like he’s having a stroke.
Neilson later meets Nancy Kwan, an Asian woman he quickly falls in love with. Meanwhile, Vic Diaz, some crime boss, cuts up the Mr. Wagner in order to get to Neilson. Too bad Neilson is out scoring with Nancy Kwan. Yes, there is a shot in bed with Neilson not wearing a shirt sitting next to a covered naked Nancy Kwan. They only show the aftermath of their love-making, but, still, EWWWW! A car chase follows which isn’t too badly shot, but it’s very brief. Meanwhile, Lockwood isn’t getting along too well with his partner Pam Parsons. You’d think they fall in love or at least become good buddies, but, no, they hate each other. Meanwhile, Neilson has another stroke with shirt off no less and Nancy gives him some aspirin or something to calm him down.
The movie’s climax leads to a showdown on the docks between both Neilson, Vic Diaz and Lockwood with Nancy Kwan acting as the damsel in distress. Neilson easily kicks Diaz’ butt, but Lockwood gets his own special martial arts fight with Neilson. The fight is just ridiculous, much like the rest of the martial arts in the movie. It’s a close fight as it seems that Neilson has the upper hand until Lockwood decides to pull one of the funniest finishing moves ever and slam his fist into Neilson’s face, thus killing him. I know it’s suppose to be some move where you break the nose, but it just looks super silly and the fact that Neilson’s nose stays intact after the attack just sucks the realism out of his death. Also, what kind of an ending is that? The hero dies after all that escaping he did? Screw you, movie! And why the heck are you rated R?
DVD Dump Counter:
-2 Leslie Neilson strokes.
-5 martial art fights.
-1 shootout.
-2 men killed by Neilson.
-4 men kung-fu’ed by Neilson.
-1 car chase.
-2 appearances of Leslie Neilson man-tits.
RATING: Z-Movie
While there are some ridiculous moments, Project Kill spends the majority of its running time with the actors sleep walking through their roles. Also, I really didn’t want to see Leslie Neilson with his shirt off or think of him getting it on with an Asian woman even if he was only 50 years old back then.
