The DVD Dump

Another week, another batch of direct-to-video and low-budget movies released on DVD. Pretty slow day, but there are a few surprises.

Cyclops

Synopsis: Eric Roberts plays a corrupt Emperor Tiberius who forces his general, Marcus, to take on and destroy the cyclops monster. But an unlikely friendship with the cyclops leads to taking down the corrupt emperor.

Extreme Movie

Synopsis: Another rehash in the low-quality satire comedy genre (Date Movie, Epic Movie, Disaster Movie). Could easily be called Not Another Teen Movie 2. Or Not Yet Another Teen Movie. Why it’s called Extreme Movie is beyond me.

Frame of Mind

Synopsis: When detective David Secca discovers a small piece of film in an antique music box, he unravels evidence of conspiracy behind one of history’s most defining moments—John F. Kennedy’s assassination.

Freezer Burn: The Invasion of Laxdale

Synopsis: In the small town of Laxdale, former pro hockey player Bill Swanson and local waitress Gina Larson believe that some mysterious crop circles are connected to a group of “foreign investors” who have purchased the local granary. When a dead body turns up and it’s not human, Bill and Gina discover that these “off-worlders” are time-share developers who are planning to turn the earth into a Club Med for aliens. The duo must find a way to stop them before all humankind ends up working for minimum wage in the hospitality industry.

DVD Dump Pick of the Week:

Futurama: Into the Wild Green Yonder

Synopsis: All the other galaxies will be green with envy! In this all-new Futurama extravaganza, mankind stands on the brink of a wondrous new Green Age. But ancient forces of darkness, three years older than time itself, have returned to wreak destruction. Even more shocking: Bender’s in love with a married fembot, and Leela’s on the run from the law – Zapp Brannigan’s law! Fry is the last hope of the universe… so if you’re in the universe, you might want to think about going somewhere else. Could this be the end of the Planet Express crew forever? Say it ain’t so, meatbag! Off we go, Into the Wild Green Yonder!

Lullaby

Synopsis: An American mother receives word that her drug addled son has been kidnapped by a drug lord operating in South Africa. She travels to South Africa to pay the ransom and save her son, only to run into violent and dangerous obstacles as she faces the kidnappers in the mean streets of Johannesburg. Her only chance to get her son back alive is to work with her son’s pregnant girlfriend who is fighting her own battle against the drug lord.

Mr. Average

Synopsis: An American mother receives word that her drug addled son has been kidnapped by a drug lord operating in South Africa. She travels to South Africa to pay the ransom and save her son, only to run into violent and dangerous obstacles as she faces the kidnappers in the mean streets of Johannesburg. Her only chance to get her son back alive is to work with her son’s pregnant girlfriend who is fighting her own battle against the drug lord.

Pirates: Stagnetti’s Revenge

Synopsis: To save Sarina from execution Captain Edwards and Jules accept a mission from the king to bring back a barbaric pirate. Along the way they discover the evil Pirates’ plans for resurrecting Victor Stagnetti. Unable to stop them, they are faced with Mayan dragons, warrior skeletons and sea monsters - with the final battle being fought on ships’ decks with swords and cannons.

Protégé

Synopsis: Protégé is the saga of a young cop infiltrating the deepest levels of a secret drug ring. He survives seven years of violent, nail-biting close calls, as he works his way from dealer to heir apparent. Every step consolidates his power and reveals another piece of his boss’s operations, bringing him closer to destroying a brutal heroin empire…or inheriting it.

Red Sands

Synopsis: Present-day Afghanistan. As continuing battles rage in the war-torn country, a unit of U.S. soldiers are dispatched to seize and control a strategic road that runs past an abandoned stone house. En route, the soldiers discover an ancient stone statue hidden deep within an ancient ravine. Using the relic for target practice, they destroy it, unwittingly releasing a vengeful supernatural force that is about to wage a horrifying war on them in this taut, action-packed, psychological thriller.

Retrograde

Synopsis: Dolph Lundgren leads an expedition back in time to prevent meteors from destroying the Earth with their deadly bacteria.

Scourge

Synopsis: A small town is attacked by a pestilience known as the Scourge. It’s up to some young heroes to stop it.

Strictly Sexual

Synopsis: If you could have sex with no strings attached, would you? Donna (Amber Benson) and Christi Ann (Kristen Kerr) try their best, with funny and heartbreaking results. Tired of dating and relationships, the daring women keep two young men in their pool house for strictly sexual purposes. Joe (Johann Urb) and Stanny (Stevie Long) are unemployed New York construction workers who have found themselves living with two beautiful and successful single women. But the hardest part about all that sex? Sometimes you find yourself falling in love. In the vein of “Sex And The City”, this film is directed by Independent Spirit Award winner (John Cassavettes Award) Joel Viertel, and written by Stevie Long, who also stars in this heartfelt, ensemble comedy about how sex and love can make us laugh and cry at the same time.

Summer Heights High

Synopsis: In this mockumentary series set in a real Australian high school, comedian Chris Lilley rings to life three hilarious characters: Jonah, a 13-year-old delinquent breakdancer from Tonga; Mr. G, an ego-driven drama teacher with delusional showbiz dreams; and Ja’mie, a spoiled private school girl on a student exchange.

The War Bride

Synopsis: She fought for love beyond the front lines…In war-torn London, Lily (Anna Friel – Pushing Daisies) tries her best to “keep her pecker up” and her spirits high. Falling in love with and marrying young Canadian soldier Charlie (Aden Young – The Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course), Lily gives birth to their daughter and joins scores of British war brides who sailed miles away to Canada to await their husbands’ returns from the war. Enduring hostile in-laws Betty (Brenda Fricker – A Time to Kill) and Sylvia (Molly Parker – Deadwood), culture shock and homesickness, Lily will brave a more painful challenge when Charlie comes home – a mere shadow of the man he used to be…

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