Mar 07 2009
Top 10 Worst Superhero Movies
With Watchmen being the first R Rated superhero movie, cinema audiences may see a changing trend. If it is widely received, chances are we’ll be seeing a whole different Batman and Superman in years to come. But before we can start moving superhero movies into the direction of mature audiences, one must examine how they can fail as well. Therefore, I have compiled a list of the top 10 worst superhero movies.
10. Steel
Shaq is not a great actor period. So why anybody thought it was a good idea to have him act as the Superman poser from the DC universe is beyond me. The script doesn’t help either as it is riddled with lame dialogue and dorky puns set against thrwarting the criminal underworld.
9. Elektra
I’m not saying females can’t be assassins for hire, but if all of them act as bad as Jennifer Garner does in her role as Elektra, I’m having serious second thoughts. Also, I’m really not that interested in the origin story of a sidekick.
8. Superman IV, The Quest for Peace
The last of the Cristopher Reeves’ era Superman movies, it is all too clear why this was the last one. Superman versus Nuclear Man, a villain created by Lex Luthor, in one of the weakest-budgeted Superman fights ever filmed. Remember how cool that scene was in Superman II when Zod and his gang kill a space crew on the moon? In Superman IV, we have another outerspace face that doesn’t make a lick of sense logically (how can capes flap in space?). You REALLY have to stretch your imagination to love this one.
7. Fantastic Four (both the 1994 and 2005 version)
The Fantastic Four have never really been my favorite superheroes mainly because they are too bland. You have the smart one, the pretty one, the cocky one, and the tough one. You can’t get anymore cookie-cutter with characters than that. That is why I placed both the low-budget Roger Corman version and the 2005 version in this slot to proof sometimes better special effects and more money can’t fix what it is already broken.
6. Hulk
The Hulk, in this day and age, can only be achieved convincingly through CGI (unless you can track down a man of such size and strength). And if you’re going to use computer graphics, make them look good. Because if you don’t you may end up with something as awful as Ang Lee’s Hulk, one of the most confusing blunders in the realm of comic adaptations.
5. Captain America
So silly and low-budget, I’m surprised this wasn’t a TV movie. This shocks me considering that around this time there was a live-action TV series for The Flash and that show looked much better than this movie. If there is anything I’ve learned from these horrible superhero movies, its that they didn’t belong in the 1990’s. Also, why is Red Skull, the main villain, Italian instead of German. Wasn’t he suppossed to be a Nazi?
4. Batman Returns
Spare me your excuses! Burton has admitted that he doesn’t understand the character of Batman. With Batman Returns, Burton makes things ultra-dark while still keeping the iconography of the villains. The problem with this movie is that it goes WAY too far in both directions. What am I supposed to take away from a movie with a villain who utilizes penguins and at the same time wants to kidnap babies?
3. Ghost Rider
I know Nicholas Cage has a thing for comics, but, seriously, keep him FAR away from this genre. He ride that National Treasure train for as long as he wants as long as he won’t play anymore superheroes.
2. Batman and Robin
Make puns and be cool! It’ll break the ICE at parties! Because it’s SNOW problem being COOL! And if you think that’s annoying, there is plenty more of that in Batman and Robin.
1. Catwoman
A Razzie winner no less. This really isn’t helping the whole female side-hero origins movies. But, then again, who wanted an Elektra or Catwoman movie anyway? This one is a massive fails because it’s predictably jumping through all the same hoops and stumbling horribly on the ones it misses. And if you think the other movies on this list had bad dialogue, read this quote without giggling:
“The day I died was the day I started to live. In my old life, I longed for someone to see what was special in me. You did, and for that, you’ll always be in my heart. But what I really needed was for me to see it. And now I do. You’re a good man, Tom. But you live in a world that has no place for someone like me. You see, sometimes I’m good. Oh, I’m very good. But sometimes I’m bad. But only as bad as I wanna be. Freedom is power. To live a life untamed and unafraid is the gift that I’ve been given, and so my journey begins.”
Yeah, it’s THAT kind of movie. And the fact that Halle Barry could stoop so low after being so high at the top makes it an even bigger dissapointment.
