Mar 08 2009
Bad Girls From Mars (Review)
BAD GIRLS FROM MARS (1990)
Starring Don Dowe (Evil Toons)
When Bad Girls From Mars first starts, the words ‘Attention’ flash on the screen as an announcer says that this low-budget movie contains explicit scenes. Furthermore, he states that the movie will sound a horn sound effect whenever these scenes come up which apparently is when you should ‘close your eyes’. Is this a warning for children or hardcore Christian audiences? I may not know specific audience that warning was intended for, but I do know who this movie was intended for: drunken college kids. At least, that is the only demographic I could see enjoying this movie. Maybe those younger kids sneaking a peek at dad’s secret porno would get a kick out of this as well.
The film is supposed to be a sort of dorky dark comedy based on the film production of a soft-core porno disguised as a science fiction movie. During the filming of a particular porno, which happens to be the same name as the title, several female leads are being killed off. For their newest lead, they hire Emmanuelle Fortes, a European sexual superstar but dumb as a box of rocks. As Emmanuelle continues to embarrass herself and having sex with multiple partners, the bumbling cops try to catch the actress murderer. I thought all the other characters were dopey until I saw Al the Cop, who spends most of his time cramming food into face-hole while wearing a fedora and getting crumbs in his mustache.
This movie was clearly written by somebody with a low IQ serving some incredibly stupid dialogue that even Adam Sandler would shy away from. There are several horribly written puns and euphemisms referring to female breasts, male genitals and the act of sexual intercourse. But this movie is supposed to be a comedy so I guess it was half-intentional. The actors are laughably bad, but, again, it seems half-intentional. And what’s going on screen when there isn’t bad dialogue being thrown around? Why, female nudity, of course.
In fact, the majority of this movie is comprised of scenes with women getting undressed with cartoon sound effects thrown (you know, for comedy). It’s pretty hilarious for the first hour, but after awhile you get tired of looking at boobs. Why can’t the boobs do something more than just show up? Why can’t they shoot lasers or something? As for the murder mystery, it’s really not that interesting and the movie losses sight of it until the end of the movie. Honestly, the movie these people are making looks ten times more interesting than this movie.
DVD Dump Counter
-1 pre-movie explicit content warning.
-1 starship sequence.
-1 porno blooper.
-14 scenes of female nudity.
-1 man punched in the nuts.
-1 death by noose made of film.
-1 botched convenience store robbery.
-1 bumbling fat cop.
-1 garbage fetish.
-1 severed hand.
-1 female wrestling scene.
-1 masked murderer.
-1 hand grenade exploding in a girl’s mouth.
RATING: C-Movie
While it has the appearance of bad soft-core porn flick, Bad Girls From Mars does okay as an over-the-top movie with a bad script and lots of female nudity. At times the script can be a bit agitating in its preschool humor and at other times it can be just ridiculous enough to be entertaining. It’s basically a ridiculous porno minus the sex and certainly not an ‘any-time’ kind of movie.
