The DVD Dump

It’s movie math time!

DVD Dump Pick of the Week

The Burrowers

Western + Monster Movie = Badass!

Caprica

Battlestar Galactica - Awesome Spaceship Battles + Prequel = Not Very Badass

Dante 01

Galactic Science Fiction + Horror Movie = Somewhat badass?

Dog Days of Summer

Perfect Little Town + Creepy Stranger = One Disturbing Childhood

Finding Me

Two African-American Men + Homosexual Relationship - Stereotypical Jokes + Competent Story = Another Movie For Christian Blogs to Ban

He Who Finds a Wife

African-American Couple + Abstinence Until Marriage Bit + Finding Jesus = Tyler Perry Movie

Kicking the Dog

Young Adults + Sex + Sexual Humor + Romantic Drama + Sex - Originality + Sex Jokes = American Pie IX

Laid to Rest

Saw + Texas Chainsaw Massacre + Chrome Skull Mask = Corny With A Chance of Plot Holes

Mulligans

Two Young Adults + Homosexual Relationship + Family Drama = The Graduate 2, Bros Before Hos

Sam’s Lake

Friday the 13th + Blair Witch Project + Every Other Horror Movie That Takes Place In The Woods = Same Old Crap

Street Warrior

Fight Club + UFC Wrestling + Never Back Down = Another Damn Hardcore Fighting Movie!

TRIPPING THE RIFT THE MOVIE (2008)

Featuring the voices of  Stephen Root (Office Space) and Maurice LaMarche (Pinky and the Brain)

You know all those movies based on TV shows that people usually brush off as being just a couple episodes of the series strung together? Well, Tripping the Rift, The Movie actually IS a few episodes from the series strung together to make a movie. This is not so much a movie as much as it is ¼ of season 3.

There are three good things I can say about this movie.

1. The voice acting is top-notch by Stephen Root as Captain Chode and Maurice LaMarche as Gus.
2. The animation is beautiful especially now that it’s in widescreen.
3. The language is actually uncut meaning you’ll get to hear every little dirty word that would’ve been cut from television.

Other than that, this movie is unbelievably flawed. The “movie” basically connects four episodes following the exploits of the raunchy crew on the Jupiter 42 spaceship. There is Chode, the pompous purple alien captain, Gus, the in-the-closet robot, Six, the sexy cyborg, T’nuk, the obese four-legged female, Whip, a teenage lizard, and Bob, the agoraphobic ship computer. They travel around the galaxy finding any way to make some cash. The first part of the movie involves the crew heading to Slovenia to help keep a princess alive in classic black-and-white Frankenstein fashion. The second involves the crew being placed in a witness protection home located in the neighborhood of Desperate Housewives. The third involves Chode and Gus on a treasure hunt ala Temple of Doom. The final episode, which apparently is suppose to be the one carrying this movie, has Chode on the run from a futuristic Terminator assassin sent by his enemy, Darph Bobo, to prevent Chode from impregnating his daughter.

Now, I’m a fan of Tripping the Rift and even I have to admit this movie is not the series at its best. Tripping the Rift does its best when the episodes focus on real situations and character development. The satire was always just for a few quick gags here and there. With Tripping the Rift, The Movie, were presented with a collection of episodes that are heavily dependent on one parody each: Frankenstein, Desperate Housewives, Temple of Doom and Terminator. Another big problem is that the episodes really don’t connect very well. Were introduced to the Terminator character when Chode is in Slovenia and he just misses him. We see the Terminator character again in the Desperate Housewives parody, but he misses Chode yet again. It’s very uneven and just screams that the director was trying desperately to make these episodes connect.

In terms of pushing the bar, this movie is pretty safe compared to how daring the series was. Take the first episode for example where Gus and Chode travel back to the beginning of time and end up killing God. Compared to episodes like that, Tripping the Rift, The Movie seems very routine and lacks that extra punch of absurdity that made the show so hilarious. This brings up the biggest question of this release: Why bother watching this when you could just watch the complete third season?

DVD Dump Counter:

-1 Temple of Doom parody

-1 Desperate Housewives parody

-1 Frankenstein parody

-1 long-running Terminator parody

-1 Sopranos parody

-1 time-travel plot

-1 dismembered princess

-3 sex scenes

-1 cameo by Osama Bin Laden

RATING: C-Movie

Despite its already established superb graphics and voice acting, there is no reason to see this movie instead of the TV series. If you’re a fan, watch the third season of Tripping the Rift instead of watching ¼ of it in this form. If you’ve never seen Tripping the Rift, watch the first two seasons and just ignore this movie entirely. As both a movie and a sampler for the TV series, Tripping the Rift The Movie doesn’t work well as either.

G-SAVIOUR (2000)

Teleplay by Mark Amato (Tripping the Rift)

When it comes to giant robots inspired by samurai garb, the Mobile Suit Gundam franchise has been the oldest leader in this anime genre. In the tradition of other science fiction franchises, Gundam has spanned multiple sequels, comic books, toys, model kits, video games, and more than likely a line of food products that probably didn’t sell very well. To celebrate the franchises’ 20^th anniversary, a western-made live-action movie was made called G-Saviour. And just like most movies milking a franchise, G-Saviour does little to recognize the Gundam canon which is its biggest strength and flaw.

G-Saviour is set in the future about 150 years after the original Gundam series, thus eliminating the laundry list for adapting certain elements. Having disassociated itself from any of Gundam’s previous cartoons, the story is free to completely reinvent itself and give a big middle finger to the fans. The galaxy in this universe is ruled by The Congress of Settlement Nations (yes, it spells CONSENT). The plot involves the discovery of an enzyme that could wipe out world hunger (or galactic hunger, whatever). The main character is Mark Curren, an ex-giant robot pilot committed to underwater research, but, just like an ex-cop, he just gets pulled back in. When the evil General Garneaux of CONSENT (because all generals are fat old villains) tries to wipe out the enzyme for his own gain, Mark teams up with a resistance force to stop the government from being evil. The acting is on the level of Power Rangers with everybody either under-acting or overacting all their lines. The only actor who is even decently convincing is Brennan Elliott as the main character mainly because he gets the best lines and spends most of the movie reacting while in a cockpit.

But none of that really matters. The only reason anybody would EVER want to watch this movie is for the giant robot battles. The problem is that while CGI robots are peppered in throughout the movie, a real giant robot battle doesn’t occur until the climax which comprises only a ¼ of the movie. For a low-budget movie, this would seem like a blessing in disguise, but it’s actually disappointing that it is so short considering the computer graphics are actually…pretty good. Of course, after an hour of cheesy characters barfing poorly written lines, ANYTHING looks great. I’d accept cut-out animation at that point. Maybe that’s part of G-Saviour’s master plan; torture the audience with a poor script than win them back at the last minute with decent CGI. It’s kind of like when you get horribly injured and getting stuck with an IV drip doesn’t seem as bad.

Honestly, though, the giant robot space battle climax is the one saving grace of the movie and almost makes up for the script. Unlike other low-budget movies with CGI, G-Saviour saves itself from making the rookie mistake of using too much compositing against live-action footage. For the most part, the computer graphics are separate from the live-action footage which is actually effective. The giant robots do look pretty good, but not good enough to seamlessly integrate with live-action. Separating the footage actually shows a bit of competence in the direction. It’s just too bad that directing/editing ability couldn’t have been applied to the acting.

DVD Dump Counter:

-4 CGI scenes

-1 giant robot space battle

-1 ‘NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO’ death scene

-1 invasion of an outer space colony

-1 person shot (but not killed)

RATING: B-Movie

In terms of a low-budget giant robot movie, G-Saviour has some pretty good graphics with a script more cheesy than nauseating. However, considering this was meant as 20^th anniversary movie for such a successful franchise, I’d be real pissed at this movie if I were a Gundam fan. Fortunately, those fans can disown this movie considering the word Gundam is never heard or mentioned in this movie.

Bled

If Twilight was too much of a chick flick and Blade was too much of a dude flick, Bled proves that horribly overacted vampire movies can cross gender boundaries.

Dark Matter

Finally, a movie portraying a smart Chinese student free of stereotypes. Sure, he ends up murdering people in the end, but at least he didn’t do it with karate.

Fear the Forest

Seriously, if you’re young and stupid, why would you go camping deep in the woods? Did they learn nothing from Blair Witch Project, Friday the 13th or Harry and the Hendersons?

Forest of Death

Is there some kind of anti-Earth Day theme to these new releases I’m just not getting?

Lost in Austen

A female Jane Austen fan’s version of the Never-Ending Story complete with pubic hair jokes.

Ready? OK!

Wait, I’m confused. Is this suppose to be a heart-warming family comedy or an awkward family drama? The only thing I’m getting from this trailer is that it was a script too gay for King of the Hill. But I’ll watch it if the nuns go “BWAAA!”

DVD Dump Pick of the Week:

Splinter

Another damn horror movie in the woods!? WELL, SCREW TH-Oh, wait, there is actually a cool parasitic monster killing people? And a capable director? Where the hell was this movie when The Mist was in theaters?

The Telling

A horror film in the Playboy Mansion? That place is quickly turning into the Toronto of the filming.

American High School

It’s high school with a college twist. I realize that there are some liberties to be taken with teen comedies, but having a bunch of teens get married and then have a clique try to break them up? This is crap that even the American Pie franchise would scoff at.

Ba’al: The Storm God

An archaeologist uncovers amulets which causes Ba’al the Storm God to unleash his Michael Bay disaster fury upon the Earth. Seems like standard sci-fi direct-to-video stuff, but the trailer is really selling me on this one.

Chain Link

A man out of prison attempts to connect with his estranged son. The trailers looks decent, but a good soundtrack can do that for any trailer. Johnny Cash could make the Sex and the City movie trailer look awesome…I think.

Dark Secrets

Detective/horror movie in the vain of Saw and Seven. Only the person kinapped is the daughter of a celebrity couple so it gets more media attention.

Donkey Punch

A sexy cruise turns into a sexy bloody cruise when somebody dies and everybody goes paranoid. It sounds awesome, but seriously? Donkey Punch? Donkey Punch! The movie is called Donkey Punch! Donkey Punch!

Faith Like Potatoes

Everything seems crappy for a farmer who moves to South Africa until he finds Jesus. Based on a true story so I can’t make fun of it. Wait, he is wearing a kilt! AHAHHahah…dammit!

The Fog

A Bollywood thriller? And it’s called the Fog? The story is almost identical to the of the original “horror” movie. They can’t even come up with a clever Bollywood title than that?

Shuttle

A simple ride home with a stranger turns into a hostage situation. A movie that combines the cramped space peril and stupidity of Speed with all the stupidity of Phone Booth.

Sin

Another Bollywood thriller? Is there some new trend happening here that I’m not getting?

DVD Dump Pick of the Week

Swamp Devil

If Swamp Thing were a badass monster villain, this would be his movie. Despite being a Sci-Fi Channel movie, it’s pretty awesome. And Sci-Fi Channel movies are almost never awesome.

Vinyan

A couple risks it all to save their six-year-old son in a horrific jungle. That’s some fine parenting skills.