The DVD Dump

Bled

If Twilight was too much of a chick flick and Blade was too much of a dude flick, Bled proves that horribly overacted vampire movies can cross gender boundaries.

Dark Matter

Finally, a movie portraying a smart Chinese student free of stereotypes. Sure, he ends up murdering people in the end, but at least he didn’t do it with karate.

Fear the Forest

Seriously, if you’re young and stupid, why would you go camping deep in the woods? Did they learn nothing from Blair Witch Project, Friday the 13th or Harry and the Hendersons?

Forest of Death

Is there some kind of anti-Earth Day theme to these new releases I’m just not getting?

Lost in Austen

A female Jane Austen fan’s version of the Never-Ending Story complete with pubic hair jokes.

Ready? OK!

Wait, I’m confused. Is this suppose to be a heart-warming family comedy or an awkward family drama? The only thing I’m getting from this trailer is that it was a script too gay for King of the Hill. But I’ll watch it if the nuns go “BWAAA!”

DVD Dump Pick of the Week:

Splinter

Another damn horror movie in the woods!? WELL, SCREW TH-Oh, wait, there is actually a cool parasitic monster killing people? And a capable director? Where the hell was this movie when The Mist was in theaters?

The Telling

A horror film in the Playboy Mansion? That place is quickly turning into the Toronto of the filming.

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