The DVD Dump

It’s summer time! Time to break out the sunscreen, hit the beach, and…who the hell am I kidding? I’m gonna sit on my ass all summer and watch movies. And, hey, when it comes to direct-to-video DVDs, there is something for everyone who can’t enjoy MTV’s definition of summer fun.

Baja Beach Bums

For the poor college student: Can’t afford to party it up down in Mexico with your surfer dudes and crack low-quality jokes? There are at least a dozen movies that can simulate that experience, but here is the newest one.

Between Love & Goodbye

For the still-in-the-closet homosexual: Too embaressed to attend the extra-fruity gay pride parade? Want a little emo with your gay romance? Believe it or not, there is a movie for you.

The Eddie Black Story (AKA Deceptz)

For the wanna-be gangster with a heart of gold: Love playing GTA4 but wish it had a going-straight story mode? Me neither, but for the people who do, there is this movie. Also, what kind of gang calls themselves the Decepticons

End of the Line

For the person with a phobia of public transporation, religion, aliens, and everything else: Does nobody believe you about how dangerous the outside world can be? Show them this movie and prove them wrong!

Flirting with Forty

For the cougar: Trying to come on to younger men, but they’re just not that into you? Healther Locklear shows the secret in this romantic TV movie: look like Heather Locklear.

Frankenhood

For the….who the hell would watch this?: Seriously, I don’t know who this movie is meant for. It’s too stupid for adults and too adult for kids.

How it All Went Down

For the aspiring filmmaker considering selling drugs: Just in case someone saying ‘don’t do it’ isn’t enough, here is an after school special to drive home the point.

Jack Squad

For the girls who love ripping off guys: Are you one of those girls who loves ripping off older men at clubs? Well, here is a movie that’ll either make you conform your ways or start carrying guns.

The Last Templar

For the female adventurer: Wish there were a female Indiana Jones? I don’t, but if that kind of story makes for a #1 international best-selling book, it must be for someone.

Living Proof

For the Lifetime movie watcher: Good news, women and gay men who watch Lifetime. You got a movie based on a true-story with A-list actors. This isn’t going to be my pick of the week, but it gets a gold star and its going right up on the fridge.

DVD Dump Pick of the Week:

Look

For the voyuer: Yes, I didn’t forget about you, Mr. sitting-by-his-apartment-window-with-binoculars. But, in all honesty, its a pretty awesome movie. No, seriously, it is. DON’T JUDGE ME!

The Lost Samaritan

For the person who will watch anything: Action? Guns? Say no more, I’m sold.

Love Takes Wing

For the person who will watch anything with Haylie Duff: Has your favorite celebrity sister dissappeared from TMZ or Entertainment Tongiht? Don’t worry, she was just hiding over at the Hallmark Channel.

The Note II: Taking a Chance on Love

For the loneliest women in the world: All I can say is that this trailer seems more like a diamond commercial and less like a movie commercial.

Smother

For the mama’s boy: Seriously, dudes, get the hell out of your mom’s house pronoto!

The Wedding Weekend

For the femme grooms to be: Want a little bro love, but not THAT kind of bro love in a romantic comedy? I don’t know why you’d want that kind of movie, but, like I said, there is something for everyone.

Winter of Frozen Dreams

For the slutty college student: It’s nice to see that even successful college students can still be creepy whores.

Trackback URI | Comments RSS