May 12 2009
DVD Dump New Releases: May 12, 2009
This week I thought I’d try something different and say something both positive and negative about the new releases. That way it seems kinda fair in my pre-judgement of direct-to-video movies based only on a trailer and some info I ripped off IMDB. Yes, it would be nice to review every single one of the movies in detail every week. And if I pooped gold, that’d probably be what I’d do. So until they make an Olestra-like substance capable of causing that condition, I’ll stick with my short and sweet method.
The Boxer
Pro: I wish I had a coach like Stacy Keach.
Con: It’s a poor man’s Rocky. And since Rocky only costs about $10 on DVD, you’d have to be really poor.
BTK
Pro: Well….the trailer gets the point of the movie across well…
Con: …too bad it’s telling me this is torture porn.
Doomed to Consume
Pro: It’s nice to see that zombie movies are still thriving.
Con: I just wish they weren’t all shot on camcorders. And stop using that much blood! You look ridiculous.
El Cartel
Pro: Creepy movie about Mexican drug running. If I were a teen living in Texas, this would make me think twice about skipping the border.
Con: Do you really need to say the tagline of the movie in the movie?
The Grudge 3
Pro: Well, now there is a trilogy.
Con: Call me hardened, but I don’t wet my pants of fright when a black and white girl burps all over me.
High Hopes
Pro: Quite a big cast for a DTV movie about making a porno with drug money.
Con: I need a little more than weed and porno to enjoy a movie. And I don’t care if that harshes your ‘buzz’.
DVD Dump Pick of the Week:
Kill Buljo
Pro: Russian movie-parody gold! I smell a cult classic.
Cons: May not be the best movie to see after enduring the cinematic disasters of Epic Movie and Meet the Spartans.
Lying
Pro: Four women living together in the country!
Con: Oh, wait, they don’t….nevermind. Looks too artsy farty and not the good kind where you see a nipple here and there.
Personal Effects
Pro: Ashton Kutcher in a decent role. Go figure.
Con: EEEW! Ashton Kutcher and Michelle Pheifer are kissing! EEEEEWWWW!
Possession
Pro: More of Sarah Michelle Gellar (Buffy The Vampire Slayer)
Con: Being a remake of a Korean movie, chances are the Korean one is superior given America’s track record for foreign remakes. (See Grudge 3 above)
Running on Empty Dreams
Pro: Lesbians.
Cons: The kind of lesbians that destroy a family.
S Darko: A Donnie Darko Tale
Pro: More Donnie Darko.
Con: More Donnie Darko.
Taking Chance
Pro: Kevin Bacon in a compelling TV drama.
Con: Very Pro-American; may not play when in Isreal.
