The DVD Dump

This week I thought I’d try something different and say something both positive and negative about the new releases. That way it seems kinda fair in my pre-judgement of direct-to-video movies based only on a trailer and some info I ripped off IMDB. Yes, it would be nice to review every single one of the movies in detail every week. And if I pooped gold, that’d probably be what I’d do. So until they make an Olestra-like substance capable of causing that condition, I’ll stick with my short and sweet method.

The Boxer

Pro: I wish I had a coach like Stacy Keach.

Con: It’s a poor man’s Rocky. And since Rocky only costs about $10 on DVD, you’d have to be really poor.

BTK

Pro: Well….the trailer gets the point of the movie across well…

Con: …too bad it’s telling me this is torture porn.

Doomed to Consume

Pro: It’s nice to see that zombie movies are still thriving.

Con: I just wish they weren’t all shot on camcorders. And stop using that much blood! You look ridiculous.

El Cartel

Pro: Creepy movie about Mexican drug running. If I were a teen living in Texas, this would make me think twice about skipping the border.

Con: Do you really need to say the tagline of the movie in the movie?

The Grudge 3

Pro: Well, now there is a trilogy.

Con: Call me hardened, but I don’t wet my pants of fright when a black and white girl burps all over me.

High Hopes

Pro: Quite a big cast for a DTV movie about making a porno with drug money.

Con: I need a little more than weed and porno to enjoy a movie. And I don’t care if that harshes your ‘buzz’.

DVD Dump Pick of the Week:

Kill Buljo

Pro: Russian movie-parody gold! I smell a cult classic.

Cons: May not be the best movie to see after enduring the cinematic disasters of Epic Movie and Meet the Spartans.

Lying

Pro: Four women living together in the country!

Con: Oh, wait, they don’t….nevermind. Looks too artsy farty and not the good kind where you see a nipple here and there.

Personal Effects

Pro: Ashton Kutcher in a decent role. Go figure.

Con: EEEW! Ashton Kutcher and Michelle Pheifer are kissing! EEEEEWWWW!

Possession

Pro: More of Sarah Michelle Gellar (Buffy The Vampire Slayer)

Con: Being a remake of a Korean movie, chances are the Korean one is superior given America’s track record for foreign remakes. (See Grudge 3 above)

Running on Empty Dreams

Pro: Lesbians.

Cons: The kind of lesbians that destroy a family.

S Darko: A Donnie Darko Tale

Pro: More Donnie Darko.

Con: More Donnie Darko.

Taking Chance

Pro: Kevin Bacon in a compelling TV drama.

Con: Very Pro-American; may not play when in Isreal.

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